all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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