I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
