Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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