No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
