I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
