I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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