I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
