I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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