Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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