Whod you bang
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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