i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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