why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
