I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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