I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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