I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
