Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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