he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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