I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
