That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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