What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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