i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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