I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
