apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we made out on top of his cat.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
