State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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