I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I FOUND THE LEGS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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