She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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