I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
