i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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