guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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