i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
