Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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