why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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