I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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