just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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