Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
