Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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