Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
