i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
