I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
