I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
