shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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