From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
