I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
