I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
