i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're completely useless in the revolution.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize