I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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