Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize