The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
