I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bring me that man meat
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
