she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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