well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Come share oat with me in your robe
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize