So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
