I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize