wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
