The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
