we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
