You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
