and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
