Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
