but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
