He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
