operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
