Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
