I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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