Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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