I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
