Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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