is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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