we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
