Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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