dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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