Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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