please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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