yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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