he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize